An individual’s quest for happiness has to be the most basic yet complicated thing to figure out.
Look around and you’ll notice patterns. People surround themselves with people and things in pursuit of happiness.
You would expect happiness comes naturally when you have amassed everything you want. Right?
Yet the number of people experiencing depression and low self-esteem is increasing year after year.
There are hundreds of motivational content pieces online about how to find happiness
This is true. A simple search on social media sites like Facebook, Instagram and YouTube will return thousands of motivational videos, photos, and blog posts.
Most of the messages are similar — be grateful for what you have, appreciate the people in your life, do something that excites you, chase your dreams, find your purpose, etc.
The consistent theme is basically this. Live your life to its full potential.
Happiness does not exist unless we understand contentment
I’m going to say something that will not be popular.
But I would argue that it’s the truth.
This will stir up emotions and even anger in some of you. But if we’re honest with ourselves for a minute, happiness is not something that exist in a permanent state.
Yes. I said it. Happiness is not something you can chase. Rather, it’s a byproduct of something greater.
But that doesn’t stop public figures and motivational speakers from selling us on the fact that they have the key, the secret to happiness.
Recall the feeling of euphoria when you bought something new that you’ve always wanted. Or how excited you felt when you booked your dream vacation. The list goes on and on.
This temporary state of what you call “happiness” fades away, leaving you to seek out something newer, better, always needing more. And this cycle goes on in perpetuity because you sincerely believe with all your heart that you will find true happiness.
Gratitude is a good start but it’s not the key to happiness
Many of you might have heard of Gary Vee, Gary Vaynerchuck, or Gary V, whatever it is. If not, he’s one of the hottest social influencer and personalities of our time.
His accomplishments span from being an early investor in companies like Snap, Facebook, and Uber, best-selling author, growing his media company to a worldwide powerhouse.
One of his biggest message that appeals this audiences — wantrepreneurs, small business owners, and even Fortune 100 executives — is the message of Gratitude.
But one thing Gary Vee has perfected is the art of social media — posting his motivational content in the form of video, written word, articles, and my personal favorite memes.
Here are a few examples of his memes I’m talking about.
Saying that the statements are obvious is an understatement. But it works for his followers and fans. It’s as if god himself has spoken to them.
When it comes to gratitude he is all in. According to Gary, gratitude is the true ROI when you add value and give selflessly.
I 100% agree with the mindset of being grateful — every minute/hour/day/week/month/year. There’s absolutely no reason not to be — especially when you are waking up every morning to a new day.
But I can’t shake it out of my head that even gratitude wasn’t the key.
Let me clarify something before I go any further.
I didn’t spend years meditating in solitude to figure this out.
I did not get mentored by any of the world’s great teachers. And I sure did not read countless number of books on the psychology of the human mind.
This is based 100% on my own experience.
Contentment is the true key to happiness
It seem strange to me. I know many people who profess their gratitude to everything they have in life. But yet, they don’t appear happy at all.
They are joyful and excited when talking about their gratefulness for having the money to go on family vacations, or buying the latest tech gadget, or enjoying a lavish steak dinner.
And conversations frequently include the “what’s next.” They talk about the next big vacation idea or something else.
And yes, I would be biased if I didn’t also add that my friends are all grateful for their family, loved ones, and friends.
I often ask myself. If I had nothing — would I still be talking about gratitude. Or would I be so angry with the world. If I was honest with myself, it would be the latter.
How can someone ever be grateful for having nothing. Right? So it seems it is only with the presence of “things” that triggers our gratefulness. And by “things” I don’t just mean materialistically.
Gratitude doesn’t require much sacrifice or change of heart to count our blessings. Gratitude is simply a measure of our perspective on the things we already have, and most of us can easily embrace those things with a reminder from someone we look up to.
Contentment, on the other hand, seem to be a more practical approach to happiness.
You must understand is that contentment is not something that’s found; it’s an attitude.
Allow me to reinforce. While gratitude is a measure of our perspective on the things we already have, contentment is a measure of our perspective on the things we don’t have.
Can you truly tell yourself that you don’t need anything more than what you already have?
How to practice contentment in your life
Stop comparing yourself to anyone
It’s a guarantee you will feel insufficient, envious, and even angry the moment you allow yourself to compare.
The vicious cycle of comparison is endless — there will always be someone who’s smarter, richer, more popular, etc. than you.
When you stop comparing yourself, you start to gain clarity of your own purpose and achievements.
Who cares if your best friend has more. Who cares if your ex-colleague is running a successful startup. Who cares if your childhood friend is now a multi-millionaire. You’re caring about the wrong things.
Find your own way. Discover and do the things that excites you. Don’t get trapped in this endless spiral of emptiness.
Take time to appreciate your life
You may not have the nicest car or biggest house on your block. But you do HAVE a something to drive and somewhere to live.
No matter how old you are, if you just take a few minutes each day — and you will realize you have more than you think.
“But Derek, how do I appreciate life with I just lost my job and my house?”
You are right. And I’m not going to sugarcoat. In fact, it’s inconceivable to appreciate anything when the rug is pulled from under your feet. If anything, you should be pissed off. Right?
No matter how bad things are, you have your life. And that means you, with resolve and will power to push yourself forward and climb the mountain ahead of you!
Let go of your impossible standards
Stop setting yourself up for disappointment.
Many people either set up impossible standards for themselves, people around them or both.
Striving for excellence is one thing, but chasing perfection is pure insanity.
As social media continues to flood our lives with videos and images, we feel challenged to keep up with society’s standards.
It gets dangerously toxic when you try to push these standards on friends, family, and people you love — inevitably everybody falls short.
Let me be clear. Your continuous state of dissatisfaction should not be confused with your hunger for success. That’s a lie of bits and pieces the world has convinced you to believe.
Wanting to be successful is a great ambition. But learning to be fully satisfied with what you have accomplished is pivotal to be truly content.
If you’re seeking contentment then accepting loved ones for who they are is an attitude to adopt.
Declutter and get rid of crap
Have you noticed every house you move into starts with a nice empty garage or storage area — but eventually it gets stuffed with boxes filled from wall to wall.
Despite your aspiration to keep it tidy, you can’t seem to clean it up. The power of justification compels you to spend money on things that you do not need — but because it’s nice to have, you convince yourself to buy it.
Over years of amassing things you don’t need, they all sit in storage — thousands of dollars wasted.
But I’m not here to give financial advice.
On the other hand, I am proposing that you declutter your life and get rid of crap you don’t need.
Don’t be enslaved by the things you own. It leaves you wanting even more and you end up chasing a never ending desire.
This has nothing to do with the abundance vs. scarcity theory.
It’s about being happy with the little that you have after getting rid of all the crap you did not need in the first place.
Learn the difference between want and need
I need water. I want Voss water. Let’s not get into the debate of which brand sells “cleaner” water.
You can probably come up with your own examples of need vs. want.
When you receive a promotional email saying “Hurry!! SALE ENDS SOON!” your ability to control your impulse is key to contentment.
If you realize what you have in your life is enough and you don’t have to have more things, you will learn to have more appreciation.
Many of us have been in situations where we wanted something so bad we could taste it. And regardless of the price, we are prepared to pay for it. Even though in reality, we can live without it.
This is one the things I am continuously working on. Here’s what works for me. I don’t buy it. And after 5 days, if I still believe it’s something I absolutely need, then I will complete my purchase. Does it work all the time? No. But it’s definitely allowed me to purposefully consider everything before I take action.
Truth is, most of us have our needs met. Contentment is about being satisfied because your needs are being taken care of.
You choose to be happy or unhappy
Each morning you wake up to a brand new day. Regardless of what happen the day before, you are given the opportunity of a fresh start — every day.
Some if you may disagree with me. I expect you to. Because it sounds crazy to not be affected by events from yesterday. Right?
Here’s my question.
What’s stopping you from CHOOSING to be happy when you wake up each morning? Or simply finding the silver lining in every situation.
Of course you cannot be happy 24/7/365 — that’s unrealistic.
I know many people who are unhappy with their lives. But they are unhappy about not making enough money, or not getting enough respect, or not getting that promotion.
These conversations with my friends who “have” are laughable — sometimes. Because I happen to also know people who have been laid off, cannot afford to pay their bills, and drowning in debt.
Your contentment should not be predicated on how much more you can get or what you think you are entitled to.
It’s about choosing to be happy with what you have and who you have in your life.
Being OK with what you don’t have
This is a difficult one. When my friends told me they were going to Hawaii for a week, I couldn’t be more excited for them. But I was also not OK with it — for my personal selfish reasons.
I was not OK because I couldn’t afford to join them. It was my choice to feel that way. It felt horrible — almost depressing to miss that trip!
My friends invited me and wanted me to join. But it was entirely my inability to pay for the trip.
But I allowed myself to be affected by my situation. I was too focused on the current situation instead of letting it go.
A few days later, I felt better as I accepted the reality — I didn’t have enough money, I couldn’t afford it, therefore I am here and they are there. And I was OK with that.
It is true that we won’t have everything we want in our lifetime. But if you seek contentment then learn to be OK with that. There’s a lot more in life that you have — instead of wasting your time focusing on what you don’t.
Conclusion
Contentment isn’t a matter with being content with your situation in life and never trying to improve it.
But it is your approach to life.
Without being content, you will not find happiness. But you will continue to try and find something or someone to make you happy, which will end up in disaster.
You have enough.
You are enough.
The people you love are enough.
And when you get to that place, gratitude will begin.
